Get jokes

Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.

Where is an elephant’s penis?

On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.

What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer?

Cell-ablate!

Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?

Because he did nazi it coming!

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.

1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

It's the 1940s.

The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.

The chink gets sook chinged!

So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks, "Did you get her number?"

He replies, "No, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion!"

JACK AND JILL 2.0

After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,

Jack was screaming till his voice went nil,

And Jill screamed "Chill!"

What's the difference between orphans and dogs?

Dogs get adopted.

Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the fool's house.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?

A: Fall.

If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.

Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?

Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."

How do bees 🐝 get to school?

They ride the school buzz!

Why can’t orphans get in trouble?

Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.

How do you get a baby into a small bowl?

A blender.

How do you get it out? Tostito chips.

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?

Depends on who's sucking.