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Dick

What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?

A dictator.

Book

I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.

Robot

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

Memes

Emo

If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.

Orphan

Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?

It's the only way they’ll get love.

Mama

Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.

Green Card

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

Record

What record did Obama prove during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.

Cigarette

Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?

British cigarettes get smoked easily.

Movie

Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.

Woman

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Baby

What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.