Get jokes
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
How To Kill A Blonde 101:
First Step: Get a pool.
Second Step: Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom.
Why do lesbians get their belly button pierced?
So they have a place to hang the air freshener.
What do Call of Duty and Al-Qaeda goals have in common?
You’ve got to get more than one down.
What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together.
What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*ck out, I’m trying to poo!
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."
"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
What do you get if you cross an avocado and a Glock?
Glockamole.
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
What did the parent say to Michael Jackson?
"Get off my kid!"
Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
Jokes are like Indians.
They never die, they just get reincarnated.
Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.