Get jokes
How to get into politics?
Fail art school.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
Q: Why did the orphan cross the road?
A: To get to the other side to find his parents.
There was no other side of the road.
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked.
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
What do you get if you cross an avocado and a Glock?
Glockamole.
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
Why do prepubescent orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”.