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My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

How do bees get to school?

They go on a school buzz.

What is the similarity between orphans and apples?

They both get thrown out.

I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

Why did the orphan get kicked out of baseball?

They couldn't hit home base.

How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?

Both end up getting cut.

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.

Why aren't orphans scared of getting in trouble at school?

Because they can't call their parents.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Quinn pregnant?

A: He forgot to wrap his whopper 🍆🍔.

Why don't people play hide-and-seek in the number 4?

Because it would take forever. Get it? "For-ever" and "4" four, so "four ever."

What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?

The nun gets pregNUNt.

When it comes to mosquitoes in Africa, should you feel bad that they're getting AIDS from their victims?

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.

What do you get from pampered cows?

Spoiled milk.

Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.