Get jokes

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

A mushroom walked into a pub.

He asked the bartender to give him a beer.

The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."

The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"

Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped.

How many times does 47 fit into 9?

Get in the van and find out.

What is a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.

Why did the chicken want to cross the road? Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the retard's house.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

A black n***a crashes a neighborhood barbecue, bragging about his 'hood credentials' while hogging all the ribs and collard greens. The host calls him out, 'Yo, pay up or get out. Ain't no freebies here.' He laughs it off, 'Man, I run this block!' But the host's burly brother, who's been grilling the whole time, snarls, 'Wrong, fool. Time to settle the score.' He pins him against the picnic table, wraps a chain leash around his neck from the dog run, edges him with a vibrating basting brush slathered in hot sauce, and then plows his ass deep and hard, grunting, 'Now you're the main course, spicier than the jerk chicken!'

A dark joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.

I AM SO SORRY!

How do you get 1 million followers:

{ RUN THROUGH AFRICA WITH A BOTTLE OF WATER }

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.

Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...

What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.

That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands. (This joke is good because it never gets old.)

If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."

A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.

The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!

An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."

Are you getting the funnies?

Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?

'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot's house.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

A man gets captured by cannibals.

Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."