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How do you get 1 million followers:
{ RUN THROUGH AFRICA WITH A BOTTLE OF WATER }
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...
What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.
That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands. (This joke is good because it never gets old.)
If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."
Memes
Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?
A: She kept stepping on a rake.
How do fish get high?
Because they eat seaweed.
Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor
What do a blonde and a doorknob have in common?
Everyone gets a turn ;)
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You dress her up as an altar boy.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
When you get a pop-up book of the Qur'an and it just explodes as soon as you turn the page XD.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?