Get jokes
"Get off your computer, Jessie Jex."
The early bird might get the worm...
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An extraction.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.
Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is in the way.
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.
Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
How to get your woman to come upstairs? Say you are naked.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Why do orphans play GTA?
So they can get wanted.