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A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
Memes
What time is it when you get home and you walk, walk home and walk, walk home?
Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.
Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?
Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.
What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together.
When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"
Why is Death the world's biggest slut?
Death gets to f*** everyone.
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."
"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*ck out, I’m trying to poo!
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
My wheelchair-bound friend was getting bullied, so I told him to stand up for himself.
How to get into politics?
Fail art school.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)