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What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.
How does a mathematician get tan?
sin/cos.
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
Where did Milky Way get its degree?
At the university.
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.