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I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.

  • 6

    • What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

  • 1

    • What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.

  • 6

    • My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

  • 7

    • Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

    A programmer and his wife.

    She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."

    After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.

    The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"

    He replies, "They had eggs."

  • 4

    • A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

    The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

    The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

  • 5

    • An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.

    The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."

    A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

    The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."

    The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."

    The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

  • 0

    • How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    To get to the other side!

  • 1

    • What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

    Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.

    What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

    I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.