Get jokes
What happens when the orphan at school gets sent home?
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.
How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.
Yo mama so fat that when she gets in the truck, it breaks.
Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Yo mama is so ugly her hairline is receding just to get away from her face.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Roger.
(Roger who?)
Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.