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Surgeon

    • My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

    He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.

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    Sex

    • If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?

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    Uncle Jack

    • If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?

    Marriage

    • You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

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    Shooter

    • When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!

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    • Masturbation

    • My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

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    • 9/11

    • What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?

    Smash.

    (Get it?) 9/11.

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    Girlfriend

    • Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

    Get the whip, you're out!

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