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If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
How do you get "Dick" from Richard?
Ask him nicely.
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Why do women get periods?
Just cancel the subscription.
Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?
A dictator.
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
Why do orphans love playing tennis?
Because it’s the only love they get.
What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?
DeterMIENATION
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
Yo mama so fat that John Cena couldn’t get her down with an Attitude Adjustment!
Yo mama so short, when she tried sniffing cocaine, she couldn’t get high.
Want one way to get a free haircut?
Call the cancer hotline.