Get jokes
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.
How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.
Yo mama so fat that when she gets in the truck, it breaks.
Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Yo mama is so ugly her hairline is receding just to get away from her face.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Roger.
(Roger who?)
Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
How do you get "Dick" from Richard?
Ask him nicely.
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.