Get jokes
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
I’m posting this again cuz I can and cuz it got thumbs downs and cuz I’m bored. Stop being sensitive snowflakes and get a sense of humor. Geez.
What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.
To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".
I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.
What number is better than 69?
88 'cause you get ate twice.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
Asian Grading scale: A- Average.
B- Half Average.
C- Stupid idiot!
D- FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN DO CALCULUS!
F- FORGOTTEN FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT MCDONALDS!
Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?
Everywhere.
What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?
When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.
Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.
Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.