Get jokes

I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.

What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.

What number is better than 69?

88 'cause you get ate twice.

What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.

"Dad, did you get a haircut?"

"No, I got them all cut!"

Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

Asian Grading scale: A- Average.

B- Half Average.

C- Stupid idiot!

D- FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN DO CALCULUS!

F- FORGOTTEN FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT MCDONALDS!

Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?

Everywhere.

What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?

When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.

Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"

What do Christians and gays have in common?

They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.

What color flowers do mama cats like to get?

Purrrrrrrple flowers.

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?

Because they’ll get stoned.

You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

-not my joke

Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!