Gas jokes

What do you call a white man farting? "British Gas."

I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.

Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?

Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

Said the man angered to his wife:

"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"

Q: What did the butt say to the face?

A: It farted!

Farts.

I farted.

Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?

I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.

What's the difference between a gay guy and an oven?

An oven doesn't fart when you take your meat out.

What do you call onions and beans?

Tear gas.

Uranus? More like urine is gassy! (Uranus is urine, by the way.)

Why did the blonde run outside naked?

She thought the steam was a gas leak.

What does a doctor do to make you better?

Helium.

What do Hitler's gas "shower" and guns have in common? They both kill someone.

Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.

Anne Frank: This one time at camp, someone had too much gas.

Why was the noble gas not emo?

Because they were thinking RIGHT.