Garden jokes
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.
A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"
Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"
Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."
Brother:......
Why did the rapper become a gardener?
Because he wanted to GROW his fan base.
Why do women love wind chimes?
They vibrate.
Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.
What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.
What did Eve say to Adam?
"That is rock hard."
Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?
He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂
Why did the rapper start gardening?
He wanted to get more ROOTS in his rhymes.
Adam and Eve are wondering whether they are black or white. Eve says, "Why don't you go and ask God?"
So Adam goes into the Garden of Eden and shouts out to God, "Are we black or white?" A big booming voice bellows out, "You are what you are."
He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. "How do you know?" asks Eve. "Because he said, 'You are what you are,'" Adam replied. "Why does that mean we are white?" asked Eve. "Because if we were black, He would have said, 'You is what you is.'"
Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.
This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!
Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"
What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?
A kindergarden.
What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?
A KinderGarden.
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!