Garden jokes
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in!
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo.
So it can cut itself.
The potholes so big in Oklahoma Can make a whole garden.
What do you get when you cross a blonde chick and a garden tool?
A dumbass hoe.
Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.
What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?
A corn stalk!
So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
What do you call a rapper who loves gardening?
Dr. Dre-seed.
Do you know how a snail has a "nail," why can't it be a nut?
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
Why did the ass start a gardening service?
It was great at dropping SEEDS.
I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.
My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!
What is long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cucumber.
I wish all my grass was emo.
It would cut itself.
There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!
A woman went into her garden and danced in front of her vegetables.
The next morning, her corn didn’t grow, and the tomatoes didn’t blush or turn red, but the cucumbers grew four inches.
Two plus two is four. Minus one, that's three, quick maths. Every day, man's on the block. Smoke trees (Ah). See your girl in the park. That girl is a uckers. When the ting went quack-quack-quack You man were ducking (You man ducked). Hold tight, Asznee (My brudda). He's got the pumpy (Big ting). Hold tight, my man (My guy). He's got the frisbee (Few). I trap, trap, trap on the phone Movin' that cornflakes (Uh). Rice Krispies. Hold tight, my girl Whitney (My G). On, on, on, on, on the road doin' 10 toes Like my toes (Like my toes). You man thought I froze. I see a peng girl, then I pose (Chilin'). If she ain't on it, I ghost. Hah, look at your nose (Check your nose, fam). You donut. Nose long like garden hose.