I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.
If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷
Did you hear about the tomato and the lettuce race?
Well, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.
I wish the grass outside of my house was emo, because it would cut itself.
So I was digging up in the garden and I found some treasure I was gunna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden
My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.
Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?
He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂
What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?
A KinderGarden.
What is so similar about a concrete block and a garden?
They both make vegetables.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
Adam and eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?" Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." so adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?" God says, " You are what you are." Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.
He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."
