Funny jokes
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
What's the difference between Autism and Gender?
Autism is on a spectrum.
I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.
What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?
"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."
Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
Guys, stop making funny jokes of orphans. What, their parents are gonna get mad? Oh wait, continue.
Hello, everybody, it's me, Mariplier, and today I'm going to be balling at Freddy's!
Cheese, gimme cheese!
(inspired by a friend)
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
What do a stool and an emo have in common?
They both sit still.
What do you call a dwarf skating on ice?
A midget spinner.
What’s the best form of contraception?
Being a soccer fan.
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mama.
Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"