Funny Jokes

I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.

Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.

How does the dog dance?

He doesn't... he's dead.

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!

You're so fat,

when you stepped on the scale,

Buzz Lightyear came out and said,

"To infinity and beyond!"

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your parents :) so kawaii fr.

How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.

I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.

Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"

Cheese, gimme cheese!

(inspired by a friend)

What’s the best form of contraception?

Being a soccer fan.

What do you call a dwarf skating on ice?

A midget spinner.

Guys, stop making funny jokes of orphans. What, their parents are gonna get mad? Oh wait, continue.

What do a stool and an emo have in common?

They both sit still.

I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Mama.

Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.