Funny jokes

Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.

How does the dog dance?

He doesn't... he's dead.

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your parents :) so kawaii fr.

You're so fat,

when you stepped on the scale,

Buzz Lightyear came out and said,

"To infinity and beyond!"

How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.

I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.

Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'll let it go!

Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.

Guys, stop making funny jokes of orphans. What, their parents are gonna get mad? Oh wait, continue.

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Mama.

Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.

I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!

What do a stool and an emo have in common?

They both sit still.

What’s the best form of contraception?

Being a soccer fan.

What do you call a dwarf skating on ice?

A midget spinner.

Cheese, gimme cheese!

(inspired by a friend)

Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"