Funny jokes
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!
Wanna know something funny?
- Women's rights.
I asked my lab partner for sodium hypobromate, but he said, "Na Br O."
Why don't you fight a dinosaur?
You'll get jurasskicked.
That's all is needed to complete my day
How come your sister is hotter than you? Funny, huh?
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
Hi Gwen, how is life!
A. Bad, lame, and suckish.
B. Good, awesome, and you are loved!
C. Perfect!
I'm guessing that your life is NOT B nor C! Man, you're such an asshole!
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
This is my fidget spinner, I got it in my Easter basket.
Hahahahahahah I'm dying.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
Dani: What's so funny?
Tess: Your face! 'Cause you're ugly!
Dani: WHY!!!!!!!
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.
Y'all, these 9/11 jokes ain't funny. I ordered a plain pizza in the Twin Towers.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."