Funny Jokes

How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

A straw.

What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.

What's funny about sex? I don't get it!

As an Autist, I find these jokes really funny. Thanks for the early 13th birthday present, ya'll :>

Why did the silly girl put sugar under her pillow?

She wanted to have sweet dreams. 😂

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

Don't be scared of skeletons.

They don't have the guts for murder.

What do you call a selfie that is taken by an orphan?

Answer: A family photo.

what do you call a group of emos?... The Suicide Squad.

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))

And slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^_^

What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll-up.

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender.

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."

Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."

I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.

Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.

It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.