Fucking Jokes

Mickey Mouse went to a Psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.” The Psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.” He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

If Stephen Hawkins was so Fucking Smart , Why hasn't he learned to walk yet ?

All these suicide jokes are fucking killing me

Q. why did the orphan rob a bank

A. to feel wanted for the first fucking time

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "on what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds ?

There's 20 of them.

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs. He asks her why she is crying and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her then jogs away.

The next day he finds her crying again and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up...and throws her in the pond telling her, "You're fucked now!"

There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says "why is a young man like you smoking?". The man turns around and says "why the fuck are you wearing trainers...."

What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler? “Oh my god put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”

When you’re walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming “They’re in the fucking trees!”

Last word of mayor of Hiroshima: ‘what the fuck was that noise?’