Fucking Jokes

Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!

Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.

Stephen could not click the "I'm not a robot" button, so I guess he is fucked.

What happens when you cross a cow and a redneck?

The redneck fucks the cow.

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.

AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!

(Credit to Meme Machine)

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"

My mom is a chemistry teacher.

Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.

Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!

What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."

Having sex while camping is fucking in-tents.

Fuck me jarry

I have a penis.

How's that for a fucking joke? It's not a joke. It's terrible.

500 thumbs down and I'll lop off my dick with a razor.

Fuck all reading this

My sister's boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked his girl.

I fucked your girl.

what happens when you throw water on Stephen Hawking? he says oh fuck fuck fuck

Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?

He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.

What did the pedophile say to the kids?

"FUCK!"

I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.

So I ended up doing the YMCA.

One of the students reported a school shooting.

That fucking snitch...

What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?

You can't fuck a rock.