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Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”

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    • Why are all these pathetic jokes about school shootings?😒 You all are so fucking pathetic... Humanity is officially gone, stupid bitches...

    Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”

    Soldier says, “Mhm.”

    Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”

    Soldier says, “Really?”

    The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"

    Papyrus: I hate you, Frisk.

    Frisk: This is why Mettaton doesn't fucking love you.

    Sans: Kid, I will kill you.

    Papyrus: (Remembers something) That's why you don't have a lover, you lonely giraffe!

    When I die, I want my body to be cremated.

    And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!

    Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.

    Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

    Some bread teacher: What will Reddit be in a few years?

    Dumb Kid: DEADit?

    Bread Teacher: You get an FY for FUCK YOU!

    Bread Teacher: It will be BREADit!

    Student: Hah, that's VERY funny! Might as well go to DEADit so I can die of laughter.

    It was 2017, and lots of people were hating RiceGum because he released "Frick Da Police," a diss track insulting Idubbbz's Content Cop video on RiceGum.

    A few hours after the diss track was released, someone went to Rice's house and spray painted "Asian Jake Paul" on the wall of the front of his house.

    Rice went to "meet" Idubbbz, then he saw the graffiti.

    "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"

    Hours later, police found 4 suspects.

    "Explain."

    Sus 1: I don't vandalize.

    Sus 2: I was staying indoors because it was rainy.

    Sus 3: I fucking hate RiceGum, but I would not ruin his cheap ass house lol.

    Sus 4: I eat bricks.

    Police: I know who.

    RiceGum: Who?

    Police: ITS-

    807907070707007607865909685780970695067586708650968095768076895708769875660980765970659062870907965607867856067586908

    Notice anything in the number crowd?

    Comment the answer below and I will see who is correct.

    A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.

    I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...

    Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?

    Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.

    Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!

    Me: You can't kick me out.

    Manager: Why not? Huh?

    Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.

    Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的

    The first guy: What's 他妈的?

    The Chinese: Fucking.

    The first guy chooses death.

    Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...

    The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.

    Second guy: I choose 他妈的.

    The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!

    I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".

    So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".

    So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"

    I know, it's an awful joke.

    What do you call a shitty movie? One that fucking sucks and shits.