Fucking

Fucking jokes

Add joke

True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.

The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"

Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"

Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?

A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.

  • 1

    • A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.

    Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.

    Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?

    Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?

    Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.

    Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.

    Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.

    (5 seconds later)

    Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!

    A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

    I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

    That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

    An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.

    I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

    Think about you are so fucking high that you are walking to a lift and inside the lift are stairs. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

    Why do people have sex?

    Because they like going "Ahhhhhhhhhhh fuck me, bitch, I love you!"

    An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"

    Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"

    Blonde 1: Omg! Yesterday, I fucked a Brazilian!

    Blonde 2: OMG YOU SLUT

    Also Blonde 2: Wait, how much is a Brazilian?

    Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?

    Everybody knows nothing.

    What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?

    If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!

    Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

    The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

    The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"