Fruit jokes
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
What do emo kids and bananas have in common?
They both hang on trees.
What do you give a sick lemon?
A lemon-aid.
What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.
One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?
What is an orphan and an apple?
They get picked.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple actually gets picked.
What's yellow, slimy, and smells like bananas?
Monkey puke.
Why are orphans different from apples?
Apples get picked.
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because she felt peely!
What is black and white and red all over? A newspaper.
What is an orange?
World's only not rhyming thing. Hehhhehehehehhe.
When I am getting bored, I hold a banana and start shaking it suddenly. It gives out juice after a few minutes. I get excited. Ohhhhhh!
Try with a cucumber.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
Why do apple trees like emo kids?
Because they like to play yoyo with them.
What do you call an appetite including apples? Appletite.
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
What is a fruit's favorite way to call someone?
WhatsApple.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.