Fruit jokes
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple!
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
Why did the orange start blushing?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
I’d make fun of transgender women, but that’s low hanging fruit.
What do you get if you cross an avocado and a Glock?
Glockamole.
"{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.
So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.
What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.
Underground Fruit Association of N&C (UGFA)?
We’re bananas!
What do cannibals call newborn babies?
Fresh fruit.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.