Fruit jokes

Why did Bob go to the store? To bob for apples.

Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.

The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"

"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.

What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.

You're so skinny, you can hula-hoop with Fruit Loops!

What do orphans and people eating oranges have in common? They both are eating balls.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and an orange?

The orange tastes good.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

LMAO, what is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?

One's fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other's just a watermelon.

If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?

Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.

What did the banana say to his neighbor? Yellow!

Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?

Because he had vitamin C.

Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.

Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.

Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.

Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.

I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.

If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!

Why do cantaloupes always get married in the church?

'Cause they can't elope.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other one is just a watermelon.

What do you get when you combine a planet and an apple?

Mario.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

What do you call a gay retard? Fruit and vegetable soup.

Why didn’t the grape 🍇 leave her family?

Because she loved raisin' kids!

What do pears and emo kids have in common?

They both be hanging.