Fruit jokes
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
What do bananas wear into battle?
Banana-rama!
What do lemons 🍋 wear in the rain?
Yellow jackets.
Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?
Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What did one nut say to the other nut?
A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."
What did the first guy say to the second?
Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?
How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.
What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't make a 9/11 joke?
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
What do tomatoes 🍅 do when they meet?
They ketchup.