Fruit jokes

What do bananas wear into battle?

Banana-rama!

My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.

So I threw an orange at her.

When do you go on red and stop at green?

A watermelon.

What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)

What did one nut say to the other nut?

A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?

They both are hanging.

What do you call a gay drive by?

A fruit roll up.

What did the first guy say to the second?

Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?

What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?

Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.

I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.

What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?

Apples actually get picked.

Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?

1 scent.

I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?

2 pears.

I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?

3 coppers.

I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?

4 Lincolns.

I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?

NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?

The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!

What do tomatoes 🍅 do when they meet?

They ketchup.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.

What's an emo's favorite game? Fruit Ninja.

Why don't you see gay people in wheelchairs?

Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.