Fruit jokes

What do suicidal people and apples have in common?

They both hang from trees.

My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.

So I threw an orange at her.

When do you go on red and stop at green?

A watermelon.

What do bananas wear into battle?

Banana-rama!

What do lemons 🍋 wear in the rain?

Yellow jackets.

What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What did one nut say to the other nut?

A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."

What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?

They both are hanging.

What do you call a gay drive by?

A fruit roll up.

What did the first guy say to the second?

Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?

What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?

Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.

I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.

What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?

Apples actually get picked.

Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?

1 scent.

I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?

2 pears.

I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?

3 coppers.

I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?

4 Lincolns.

I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?

NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

What do tomatoes 🍅 do when they meet?

They ketchup.

Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?

The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.