Fruit jokes
Who is buried in the tomb of Alexander the Grape?
Alexander the raisin.
What's the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer; the other's just a watermelon. 😁😁
Why did a girl like bananas?
Because one day she might need to be ready.
What do suicidal people and apples have in common?
They both hang from trees.
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What did one nut say to the other nut?
A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."
What did the first guy say to the second?
Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?
What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.
What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
Why'd the orange lose the race?
Because it ran out of juice.
What do tomatoes 🍅 do when they meet?
They ketchup.
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!