Fruit jokes

When do you go on red and stop at green?

A watermelon.

What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)

What did one nut say to the other nut?

A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?

They both are hanging.

Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."

The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.

The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.

The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.

What do you call a gay drive by?

A fruit roll up.

What did the first guy say to the second?

Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Fruit Ninja was a gay weeaboo!

What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?

Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.

I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.

What's an emo's favorite game? Fruit Ninja.

What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?

Apples actually get picked.

Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?

1 scent.

I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?

2 pears.

I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?

3 coppers.

I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?

4 Lincolns.

I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?

NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?

The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!

What do tomatoes 🍅 do when they meet?

They ketchup.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.

Why don't you see gay people in wheelchairs?

Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.