Friends jokes

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.

He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.

He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.

Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."

How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have "rape dungeons."

I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”

He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”

A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.

My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!

Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.

So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.

What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.

Me: That’s a good WAVE.

Friend: I SEA it.

Wave: Doesn't break for us to surf on.

Me: I was SHORE it would be good.

Friend: I SEA what you did there.

The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!

My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.

A guy cut me in the lunch line. After that, a rock was thrown at him by my friend.

My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!

Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!

So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.

My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

Friend: You are joking.

Me: Joking on deez nuts.