So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheel chair, he is getting bullied but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself
Me: Do you like smash? Friend: Smash Rolls? Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS! Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)
I had to go to my friends house... I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... IS MY FRIEND OK???
If you drop something make your short friend get it
my friend asks me what does idk mean i said i dion't knowm my friend says you mean i don't know i said thats what i said
me.do you like cobble. my friend. no me. gobble deez nuts
why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? because they had no one to pick them up. what's a orphans best friend? a boomarange because it's the only thing that ever came back.
friend: how's it going? me: good, things are good! parent: how are you? me: oh I'm fine! Twitter: compose new tweet? me: hellooooo l would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it
my "friend" has dyslexia
So one day in 3rd grade, i was making this art piece and i was talking about my friend that was a boy that i have known for 5 years. but then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I"M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!!!!" as soon as i heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing there butts off, but laughed so hard, i fell out of my chair!
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?" Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
My cousin’s friend spelled “rasist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom,I checked inside her ham sandwich and there was fresh drugs.
my friend: hey i got 15 kills! me: i got 60 kills! my friend: i didn't know you played call of duty! me: whats call of duty?
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and i asked him "why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time i perform people tell me I need new material."
me: pretend ur name is “puberty”
friend: ok?
me: IMMA HIT PUBERTY!
*hits my friend*
Friend: Why do you like Minecraft so much? Me: Because I love miners!
when your girl friend saids it is to small you say just enjoy the small thing.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
