Friends jokes

My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.

What do you call a group of emo kids? Suicide squad.

Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.

What did the lettuce say to the carrot?

"Lettuce be friends!"

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.

My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.

Friends, gather here.

Samantha, Josephine, Stevie, Jess, Alice, and Alex.

One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.

Me: Are you an alien?

Friend: No.

Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.

Beans for centuries have been called "false friends," because they have a tendency to talk behind one's back. If you get my drift. 🤣

My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.