Friends jokes
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.
That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.
An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.
I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.
My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".
Why can't orphans go to a friend's house?
Because they can't make themselves at home.
Me: Do you like cobble?
My friend: No.
Me: Gobble deez nuts!
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
A friend of mine says "Baguette" all the time cuz she is French.
My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!
I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?
I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.
How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)
There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!