Friends jokes

My Japanese friend told me a Pearl Harbor joke. I told him he bombed it.

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.

I’ll be hanging with them for a while.

You: Find a time clock that can change time.

Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

Friend: Hi, orphan.

Orphan: Tell me a yo momma joke.

Friend: ummm

Orphan: Exactly, U can't.

Friend: Yo momma so disappointed she left!

I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.

What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.

I: "Get a boomerang."

Type: "Why?"

Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out?

The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.

Joseph: No, they don't.

Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.

Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.