Friends jokes

Friend: I got bit.

Other friend: By what?

Friend: A dog.

Other friend: (Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies.)

Me: Hey, how are you?

Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3

Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?

Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.

Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!

Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)

Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!

Me: Ok, and their names?

Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!

Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)

Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.

Me: Ok, see you soon! :3

Me now hates my life. :)

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

What does an emo kid say to his best friend?

"Let's hang out."

"Are you taco to me? I nacho friend."

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."

Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.

Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.

Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."

Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.

He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.

Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?

Friend: Why?

Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

I lent my calculator to a friend. He is using it to this day.

What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.

Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

Are your forehead and hairline old friends because they go way back?

When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;

Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?

Friend: Don’t know?

Me: U STUPID!

Two sticks of butter walk into a butter bar. One says to the other, "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" He replies, "Sure, dis my butter from another utter."

When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.

I have a friend named Mole.

She plays a game called "sandbox" to dig up dirt...

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?