Friends Jokes

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!

Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?

Because he’s a hoot.

Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.

Friend: You ok, man?

Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...

My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.

He was charged for impersonating a police officer.

I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."

Friend: Name one gay person off the top of your head.

Me: Me.

One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.

They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

What do your teacher and your friend have in common?

They will both die eventually.

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

Are your forehead and hairline old friends because they go way back?

One day, there are friends having fun.

Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."

And they all agree.

Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.

Two friends are in a hospital lobby. Friend 2 notices Friend 1 crying.

Friend 1: "*crying hysterically*"

Friend 2: "Why are you crying?"

Friend 1: "I came here for a blood test."

Friend 2: "So? Are you afraid?"

Friend 1: "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."

Friend 2: "*crying hysterically*"

Friend 1: "Why are you crying?"

Friend 2: "I came here for a urine test."

My friend wanted to say egg puns, so I told him, "Omelette you do your egg jokes."

I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.

I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"

At gym class today, my friend made this song:

🎵 I’m a Barbie girl, I am fantastic, my boobs are plastic!

My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.