Friends jokes

I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."

Are your forehead and hairline old friends because they go way back?

What do your teacher and your friend have in common?

They will both die eventually.

I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.

Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."

I beat up my twin friends with a plane.

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?

Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.

*at school*

Nobody: Do you want nuts?

Me: Wait, you have some?

Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.

Me: :0

Cheese, gimme cheese!

(inspired by a friend)

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?

Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.

My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's blue, too.

(meaning sad)

Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?

Friend: I don't know.

Me: I'll fall with you.

Friend: You ok, man?

Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...

My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!

Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?

Because he’s a hoot.