Friends jokes

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.

So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.

Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"

I have fuck and sex with all the sexy naked ladies and they suck my balls (penis), but you ain't have no girlfriend. Your only friend, they call him ching chong coz of your hairline.

If you've been thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.

Come on guys, please let's play Roblox. My name is xX_robloxGamer420Po_Xx.

What goes moo? Cow.

Share this with your friends!

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."

If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?

Answer: A math problem.

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

I unfriended Paul Walker on Xbox because he was always on the dashboard.

My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!

Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!

Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*

Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!

I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.