Friend

Friend jokes

Misfortune

    • My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

    (Again, credits to my really funny friend)

    Gold

    • I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.

    Friend: "Your jokes are too short."

    Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."

    Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."

    Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."

    Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)

    Friend memes

    People

    • So, I don't want anyone taking this the wrong way, people are free to be whatever they feel they are, and that's not anyone else's choice.

    BUT!!!!!!

    I personally have my own feelings on "churches and christianity". I feel that it is against The God Delusion and is an abomination to anyone who has half a braincell. I know plenty of Christian people, and I respect that! NO, REALLY, I DO. My best friend is a dumbass Christian just like you are, and I respect that's how she feels, and I'm glad that she made her choice. But I don't love it when people promote this stuff, because it is what the morons are tricking everyone into doing/being. Falling into the brainwashed act is NOT something you should ever want to do. As someone who has some intelligence, this is not okay in my sense.

    As someone who isn't an Aussie, I note that Idfk what this is: "The people who defended Australia get 2 days, remembrance day and Anzac day + 1 minute of silence." BUT the christianism community gets YEARS IN THIS DUMB WORLD where they are told that they are 'special' and 'normal, like everyone else'. Which is really unfair and in a way, biased. I was only 7 when I recognized this just from being told at school by all the kids in my class that they are either CHRISTIAN or support it.

    I know and understand I will get a lot of hate from this, I also don't give a shit, but please remember that it's just my thoughts and opinion. Thank you for reading. :)

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    • Depression

    • When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

    Wordplay

    • Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.

    Apology

    • Dear Gwen and Prince,

    Gwen and Prince, sorry for being mean and cussing and other messed up nonsense. To be honest, I really just wanted to be your friends, all both of you! BTW Prince, Gwen is not dating Aiden...I don't even know who Aiden is! Sorry a million times, Zreina.

    Song

    • I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

    I see a dreamer.

  • 0

    • Mama

    • My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"

    Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"

    Family

    • A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:

    "My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."

    The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"

  • 0

    • Coffin

    • Me: The man sleeped in a $200 bed in His hole life so why dose he need a $2,000 coffin?

    My friend: They're cheaper at Costco.

    Me: Oh shit, you're going to have "fun" this weekend.

  • 0

    • Touch

    • Me: Hey friend!

    Friend: Yes?

    Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.

    Friend: Touch.

    Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)

    Friend: Grass.

    Me: And you get?

    Friend: Touch grass.