my friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over
Ok now I'm not good at telling jokes but this 1 is not to bad 1 cunt said to anothrr cunt do you get cold at night fuck no cunt the 1 st cunt said why I have a built in set of verticlal currains to keep the cold out cunt xx
So my friends birthday is in a couple of day's, and I was wondering what to get him. He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers'
My phone was at 10% and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen hawkin
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
me: pretend ur name is “puberty”
friend: ok?
me: IMMA HIT PUBERTY!
*hits my friend*
my friend: hey i got 15 kills! me: i got 60 kills! my friend: i didn't know you played call of duty! me: whats call of duty?
me rn “yo yo yo for pre k I went to kiss a school” my friend “whatiskisma” me “kisma balls!”
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom,I checked inside her ham sandwich and there was fresh drugs.
My cousin’s friend spelled “rasist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”
my "friend" has dyslexia
friend: how's it going? me: good, things are good! parent: how are you? me: oh I'm fine! Twitter: compose new tweet? me: hellooooo l would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it
why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? because they had no one to pick them up. what's a orphans best friend? a boomarange because it's the only thing that ever came back.
me.do you like cobble. my friend. no me. gobble deez nuts
my friend asks me what does idk mean i said i dion't knowm my friend says you mean i don't know i said thats what i said
If you drop something make your short friend get it
I had to go to my friends house... I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... IS MY FRIEND OK???
Me: Do you like smash? Friend: Smash Rolls? Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS! Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheel chair, he is getting bullied but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time
