Forest jokes

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?

A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.

So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.

One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.

A Story:

I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.

Sequel follows...

A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.

A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”

What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.

What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.

A man was taking a child into a dark forest.

The child said, "I'm scared!"

The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick :)

What's an Asian's worst nightmare? A tree.

I speak for the trees.

*Trees whisper in my ear*

They said six million wasn't enough.

Where do squirrels go for fun?

The acorn-ival.

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

What do you call a Jedi teacher who lives in a forest?

Obi-Wan Canopy

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears!