Forest jokes

I was walking in the forest with my gf.

I had a Desert Eagle for protection.

A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.

One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.

Where are the others?

They're in his freezer.

Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.

A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.

Most foresters have a wooden personality.

Why does a woodpecker have a beak?

So as to not smash his head against the tree.

Q) What do trees call deforestation?

A) TREASON!

"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."

"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?

If a woodchuck could chuck wood?

As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck,

If a woodchuck could chuck wood.

You were supposed to be born in the tree.

The sticks were your siblings.

Mushroom?

People are like trees...

They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

A blind teenager who is bad at reading wants to go hunting, so he finds a hunting ground called s-ch-ool.

What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.

Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲

Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚!?️

Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮

Why can’t the emo play in trees? They’ll leave ‘em hanging.

A lumberjack goes to a person's house.

Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.

The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.

The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"

The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”