Food jokes

What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.

Until I threw a watermelon in her face.

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and they got plain!

Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.

"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.

"Indeed, they are," he was told.

"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"

If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.

But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.

What do sex and food have in common?

My sister makes it better than my cousin.

Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?

A: Either way they'll kill your dog.

What do KFC and pussy have in common?

Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.

I named my horse Mayo.

Mayo neighs.

What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.

Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.

Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain.

What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?

They both spread for bread.

My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"

What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?

A milk dud 😂

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"

Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.