Food jokes
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
What do KFC and pussy have in common?
Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
What do sex and food have in common?
My sister makes it better than my cousin.
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and they got plain!
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.
Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.
What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?
A milk dud 😂
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.
What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?
Poutine with Russian dressing!
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"