Food jokes
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
What do sex and food have in common?
My sister makes it better than my cousin.
What do KFC and pussy have in common?
Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!
Memes
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.
"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.
"Indeed, they are," he was told.
"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and they got plain!
What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.
What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?
A milk dud 😂
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
What food does a cheetah eat?
Fast food.