Food jokes

I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.

Turns out it was a Fanta sea.

What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?

Throwing the cow across the lake.

My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!

Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.

American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"

Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"

German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.

Until I threw a watermelon in her face.

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and they got plain!

If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.

But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.

What do sex and food have in common?

My sister makes it better than my cousin.

What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!

What do KFC and pussy have in common?

Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.

What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.

I named my horse Mayo.

Mayo neighs.

Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.

Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.

What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?

A milk dud 😂

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"

Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.