Food jokes

What do you call a cannibal without any eyes? A cann-bal :)

Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?

I think it got lockjaw after that.

My Butterfingers slipped.

Have you ever tried North Korean food?

Neither have the North Koreans.

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

I'm not in jail for tossing a salad.

Have you tried eating a clock?

It's time-consuming!

What's an emo's favorite way of growing food?

The slash and burn tactic.

What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?

You get salmonella.

Someone cutting the cheese then farted.

Someone sees the cheese, and it smelled like crap (literally). He said, "Who cut the cheese?"

Q: When a chip gets popped, what happens to it?

A: It gets pooped out of the bag.

Some guy: making a sandwich.

Me: *rages* to put the ham in!

Why do kids like bananas?

'Cause they like doing the nana.

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

Pineapple turnover.

Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."

What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?

“I’m gonna cashew!”

John pretended to be a doctor.

Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

Motu said, "I lost my memory."

John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"

A blind man went to a restaurant.

"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.

The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"

What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?

A dictator.

What do you call a Panera Bread with hair?

Panera Hair.