Food

Food Jokes

Literal Interpretation

A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.

  • 2
  • Panda

    A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.

  • 0
  • Milk

    What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?

    Spoiled milk.

    Mama

    Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.

  • 1
  • Johnny

    So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

    Ocean

    I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.

    Turns out it was a Fanta sea.

  • 1
  • Milk

    What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?

    Throwing the cow across the lake.

    Masturbation

    I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

  • 4
  • Dream

    I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

    Watermelon

    My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.

    Until I threw a watermelon in her face.