Food jokes
I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that’s just nuts.
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
Why do kids like bananas?
'Cause they like doing the nana.
Are you my pantry? Because you look like a snack ;)
Hello, welcome to Joe’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I help you today?
I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.
What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
I love eggs!
Yo mama so stupid, she starved in a grocery store!
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
Q: What do you get from a two-legged cow? A: Lean beef.
Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
What restaurant does Africa own? M.T. Bellies.
I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.
Johnny, Johnny. Yes, Papa? Eating dick? Yes, Papa.
Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.
What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit?
Raisins.
What do you call a tamal that's in a bed?
Tamaleto.