Food jokes
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
You call it turds.
I call it the forbidden chocolate.
What kinda pizza did the Twin Towers order?
Two plains.
Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?
He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.
Your forehead is so big it drips pickle juice!
What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
What’s an orphan’s favorite snake, self raising flour?
A pancake and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
A peanut and another peanut walk into a bar.
One was a salted peanut.
Joe Mama so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl!
You're a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
Mrs. Kadie, I just heard about a FGTEEV video about vegan nuggets.
Duddy: Sup FGTEEVERS, me and James Marsden just got some Chick-fil-A.
Viewers: Got ya again Mrs. Kadie.
Mrs. Kadie: Vincent and James, I am going to push you off your roof.
Duddy and James: AHHHHHHH!
If a tomato is a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.
Jane ate her friend’s colon.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.