A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"
A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
How did the chicken 🐔 feel after escaping the fry cook?
Clucky!
What’s an orphan’s favorite cereal?
Because it’s the only magical string in his life.
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!
Why do orphans want to be dogs?
Because they want their own bed and food.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why were 9/11 victims so mad?
They ordered three pepperoni pizzas, not two planes!
What you breathe in is called oxygen, otherwise known as, "African food".
A fat man coming in the store.
Waiter: Oh god, not again :|
Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.
Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?
Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
(Answer) Ground beef.
Sorry for a bad joke.
Do you know what is good about being an orphan?
Every candy bar is family sized.
What did the salt say to the vinegar during the sweet and sour dynasty?
"STUPID VINIGGER!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lemon.
Haha! Hahahah! Hahahaah!
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
An apple gets picked.
When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.
When I woke, I was being sexually abused.
I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.
I hope your cookie is too big to fit in your glass of milk.
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
