Flat jokes

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!

How do flat-earthers travel?

On a plane.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

Where would the next Formula race happen?

Answer: On your flat chest.

I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.

Q: Why did the flat earther become gay?

A: He knows a thing or two about giving dome.

Q: Why did he eventually become asexual?

A: He doesn't believe in anything south of the border.

I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.

Your mom is so fat that she made the earth flat.

Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!

How do you call an American bee?

USB.

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To check in on his flat mate.

Average bee is 50x smarter than the smartest flat earther.

Yo mama so fat.

She is the reason why people think that the Earth is flat.

Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To show he had guts.

Why did the other hedgehog cross the road? To see his flat mate.

Yo mama so fat, flat earthers say she's round.

The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.

B is for Basil assaulted by bears.

C is for Clara who wasted away.

D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.

E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.

F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.

G is for George smothered under a rug.

H is for Hector done in by a thug.

I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.

J is for James who took lye by mistake.

K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.

L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.

M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.

N is for Neville who died of ennui.

O is for Olive run through with an awl.

P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.

Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.

R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.

S is for Susan who perished of fits.

T is for Titus who flew into bits.

U is for Una who slipped down a drain.

V is for Victor squashed under a train.

W is for Winnie embedded in ice.

X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.

Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.

Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.