A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.
The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.
The French salute starts with your hands in the air.
The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.
She needs a flat surface cleaner.
what do you call a flat road named after George Floyd?
Flat neck road.
What’s a hairdresser’s favorite roast? Flat iron roast.
What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with flat armbands!
Your mum is so fat, flat earthers think she's round!
What is blue, green, flat, and has teeth?
The Earth, but I lied about the teeth.
What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?
At least the mountain has two hills.
Her chest was so flat, I felt gay while hugging her.
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!
Whenever a woman files a rape accusation, it’s obviously fake. Even the cows at my farm are more likely, at least they aren’t flat.
You know, the earth was flat till they buried your mama.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.
Yo momma's so skinny that even Flat Stanley gets jealous!
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
Your chest is flatter than pre-Aristotle's concept of Earth.
