Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
Why was the rapper always the first one at the party?
Because he never missed a BEAT
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
why did i give an orphan the iphone X? because it is the first one without a home button.
When hitler killed himself he shot himself twice, the first one was operation Barbarossa and the second one was his death
2 men ran into a bar, you would have thought after the first one hit it the second one would have seen it
You know what they say about 911 jokes
The second one never lands as good as the first one
So Biden and the zele and Putin on a plane and the plane losses attitude and goes down but there are 2 parachutes and Putin takes the first one and jumps cause he is a greedy twat so he jumps but then Biden says “you go zele I am much older than you and it is so ok for me to die.” So zele takes the second one and jumps but when he did the plane regains attitude and Biden got to Washington DC all fine.they found out the reason was zele’s steels balls
There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died he will let them in. The first one said I just finished a long day of work and I get home and right as I stepped in I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody so I got a drink and went to the balcony and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands but he wouldn’t fall so I threw a Refrigerator at him and I fell with the Refrigerator. God busted out laughing and let him in. The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, so get this I’m a window washer on the 8th floor I’m washing the windows like normal and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die. God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. So get this I’m in a refrigerator...
2 magicians were in a competition the first one did magic and the second started counting down 3 2 but before he said the last number he 1
There was a house with three storey building 🏢 First one had Mexicans Second one had Africans Third one had white people Earthquake came But who did survive? 🤔 The white family Cause they were at work
Man goes to a doctor says he's having problems shitting so the doctor gives him so enama and says he needs to do it a few times at home but does the first one for him so the guy bends over the table lubs him up and shoves it deep in him and he yells. so later the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enama so he bends over she lubs him up puts a hand on his shouler and she shoves it up there and he starts screaming and cussing and the wife asks did I hurt u? He said no I just realized when the doctor did it he had both hands on my shoulders
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.” The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!” The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
dont you just hate when your the first one sleep at the sleepover and then you hear ''Prank em John"
so a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats and the dealer tells him ‘dude the rain will ruin the seats get it under something if it starts raining and worst case scenario put vaseline all over the seats to make it water proof’. so he goes to his girlfriend house that night for dinner and before he goes inside she says ‘listen this is your first time meeting your parents we have a rule, the first one to speak has to do the dishes’. so he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes over 3 months because no one has spoken and the stench is awful. during dinner he concocted a plan to get someone to speak so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. not a peep eventually he grabs his girlfriend bends her over and starts going to town. still nothing the parents are outraged but not speaking because they don’t want to do the dishes. after about a minute of this he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. at that moment it starts to rain his motorcycle is out in the rain and grabs the vaseline out of his pack pocket and the dad goes ‘FINE ILL DO THE DISHES’
Three nuns had to go before mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says have you sinned? Yes I have mother I have stolen a bicycle. Okay said mother Superior okay said mother Superior say 100 holy Marys and put dip your hand in the holy water... Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned she slept with a married man.. so mother Superior says okay save 500 hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way the third nun comes up and she says I peed in the holy water 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈
What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton a CREEPYpasta (it’s my first one lol)
3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks “a Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea”
Part 1: two men were walking down the way when the third one came Part 2:two men were walking down the way when the third one came Part 3: two men were walking down the way when the third one came Part 4: guess what.... two men were walking down the way when the second one fell in the sewers and died.... the first one was lonely
