Fired jokes
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
I got fired for not doing enough work.
Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.
Three cowboys are at a fire talking about the best things they have done.
Cowboy 1 says, "I have taken out a whole group of raiders with my bare hands."
Cowboy 2 says, "I have killed a herd of bulls with my thumb."
Cowboy 3 chuckles as he mixes the fire with his dick.
Damn, this new Angry Birds is fire!
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.
2001/9/11, that day was fire.
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
What's black and found on top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
What do you get when you mix a white guy and a fire?
A firecracker.
Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.
But I got fired from that job.