Fired jokes

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

For throwing out the W's.

"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."

"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."

"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot wheels.

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?

Many soles were lost.

I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.

I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."

Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,

HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!

Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

What do you call a redneck on fire?

A fire cracker.

Michael Jackson was once a guitar teacher, but he got fired because he fingered a minor.

Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*

Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?

Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."

What do you call a retard in a house fire?

Flame Retardant.