Fired jokes

Fire

    • There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

    When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

    She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

    54 students died that day.

    Fire

    • Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.

    Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

    Fired memes

    Dinosaur

    • Walk The Dinosaur-By watersharky Productions and Was(Not Was)-

    Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom Boom boom acka-lacka boom boom

    It was a night like this forty million years ago I lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey skull to go The sun was spitting fire, the sky was blue as ice I felt a little tired, so I watched Miami Vice And walked the dinosaur, I walked the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur

    I met you in a cave, you were painting buffalo I said I'd be your slave, follow wherever you go That night we split a rattlesnake and danced beneath the stars You fell asleep, I stayed awake and watched the passing cars And walked the dinosaur, I walked the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur

    One night I dreamed of New York You and I roasting blue pork In the Statue of Liberty's torch Elvis landed in a rocket ship Healed a couple of leapers and disappeared But where was his beard?

    A shadow from the sky much too big to be a bird A screaming crashing noise louder than I've ever heard It looked like two big silver trees that somehow learned to soar Suddenly a summer breeze and a mighty lion's roar I killed the dinosaur, I killed the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur

    Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom Boom boom acka-lacka boom boom

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    • Job

    • I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

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    • Cowboy

    • One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."

    The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."

    The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.

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    • Fireman

    • There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:

    "I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."

    Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"

    The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"

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    • Job

    • So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

    One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

    Kobe

    • What does Kobe and the Twin Towers have in common?

    The pilots just couldn't stick the landing.

    Wow, that was explosive!

    Man, I'm on fire 🔥 today!

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    • Circus

    • Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?

    Person 2: No.

    Person 1: It was in-tents.

    Hamster

    • What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?

    They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

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    • Karaoke

    • Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

    Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!

    Cigarette

    • What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

    They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

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