Fired jokes

A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."

There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.

A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"

What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?

A steamed vegetable.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? "HOT WHEELS"

Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

It was just a prank, and stop calling our humor "plane." In our opinion, it's fire.

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.

I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."

Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.

Commander: "Fire a warning shot."

Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."

Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."

Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*

Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"

How do you make a cat go "woof"?

... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"

What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot wheels.

Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?

She was on fire.

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he wanted to cook up some FIRE BARS!

Why was Michael Jackson fired as a guitar teacher?

Because he fingered a minor.

What's black and sitting in a chair? Steven Hawking after a house fire.