Fired jokes
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
Because he got fired!
What’s black and sits on top of the stairs?
Christopher Reeves in a house fire.
When you name yourself "Twin Towers" and the terrorist in Kahoot.
Twin Towers are on fire.
The terrorist has a streak of two.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.
After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”
The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”
Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
I pushed an orphan in a wheelchair into a fire and yelled, "Hot wheels!"
Three girls were lined up for execution. The black-haired one, being the smart one, turned around and yelled, "Tornado!"
Everyone panicked, and she escaped. The red-headed one, following her example, shouted as the executioners got back, "Hurricane!"
The red-headed friend escaped too. Now, it was the blonde's turn. Following both her friends, she turned to the executioners and yelled:
"Fire!"
What do you call a sped kid in a wheelchair that caught on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?
I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach. Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.
Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no). Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days, And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.
I wanna taste your content. Hold your breath and feel the tension. Devils hide behind redemption. Honesty is a one-way gate to hell. I wanna taste consumption. Breathe faster to waste oxygen. Hear the children sing aloud. It's music 'til the wick burns out. Hush.
Just wanna be carefree lately, yeah. Just kicking up daisies. Got one too many quarters in my pockets. Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket. Untied laces, yeah. Just tripping on daydreams. Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat. Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.
What do you call a person on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels!
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
ENTER PASSWORD.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
RESET PASSWORD.
NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.
Sets fire to computer.
Here’s what I did to the kids at the orphanage. I dropkicked 12, lit 10 on fire, comboed 9, punched 3, and murdered 1.
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?
Hot Wheels.
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.