Fired jokes

Q: Why did the chef get fired?

A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.

Hey God, what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.

Sounds like a match made in heaven.

Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.

I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."

My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"

On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.

Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?

A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *pauses porn* Why?

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.

What's so special about bullets?

They do work after they are fired.

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

What is black and at the top of a staircase?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.