Fired Jokes

Hey God what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire

sounds like a match made in heaven

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

my aunt used to say "slow and steady wins the race". she died in a fire.

I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill but before I did I set his wheels on fire and called him hot wheels

On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P

Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?

A. They guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones so I throwaway the bent ones

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire hot wheels

What is black and at the top of a staircase..................... Stephen Hawking after a house fire

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) 1. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They're painful to look at.

5. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

6. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

7. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

8. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubbas two best friends the three were inseparable agreed.. The first friend said hard to tell can you turn him over the coroner look perplexed but did so nope that's not Bubba. The second friend said he's burnt up pretty bad can you roll him over again the coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway, nope that's not him. Pretty confused the coroner asked how can you tell its not him by rolling him over? well you see Bubba had two assholes, Impossible the coroner replied. The friends said I don't know but everytime we went to town everyone would say here comes Bubba with them to assholes.

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exersice. They got up into the air and Jim said, "okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "what?" As he looked over at Jim.