Fired jokes

Fire

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

Wheelchair

I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"

Bank

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Banana

Why did the homophobic boy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing away the bent ones!

Memes

Cigarette

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

Job

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

Redneck

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

Fire

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

Wood

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

His hand caught on fire.

Unemployment

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

Orange Juice

Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.

Paramedic

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

Rapper

Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?

Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!

Firefighter

A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.

Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?

Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.

Store owner: But still, why?

Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.

Store owner: Oh, I get it now!

Foreskin

So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...