Fired Jokes

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Have you heard the 9/11 joke yet?... It was pretty fire.

Why did the homophobic boy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing away the bent ones!

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

His hand caught on fire.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

What do you call 5 gays on fire?

LGBBQ.

What do you call a gay person on fire?

LGBBQ

Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.

Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?

Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!

I had a job at a banana factory. I got fired because I threw away the bent ones.

A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.

Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?

Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.

Store owner: But still, why?

Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.

Store owner: Oh, I get it now!

So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”