Fired jokes

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

A paraplegic after a house fire.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?

Got fired from the bank yesterday.

They caught me drinking on the job.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels.

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?

The bear has common sense not to fire it.

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

I had a job at a banana factory. I got fired because I threw away the bent ones.

What do you call a gay person on fire?

LGBBQ

What do you call 5 gays on fire?

LGBBQ.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

His hand caught on fire.

Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.

Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?

Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!

What do you call a wheelchair on fire?..

Hot Wheels.

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.