Fired jokes

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?

Got fired from the bank yesterday.

They caught me drinking on the job.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels.

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?

The bear has common sense not to fire it.

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."

What do you call a wheelchair on fire?..

Hot Wheels.

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.

What do you call an emo kid playing with fire?

Forgot to clean little piece of dust.

2001/9/11, that day was fire.

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.

People of Earth: *running and screaming*

Santen: *to God* Really?

When you name yourself "Twin Towers" and the terrorist in Kahoot.

Twin Towers are on fire.

The terrorist has a streak of two.