Fired jokes
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"
What begins with F and ends with CK?
Fuck, I mean fire truck.
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
What is it called when someone is in a wheelchair and in a fire?
Hot Wheels...
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A paraplegic after a house fire.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
Why is arson so fun?
IT'S A FIRE ACTIVITY!
HAHAHAHAHAHAPAHAAHAHIIRTAASIISISISHRNHHTHTHTHHNHSHSNIHTAHE
Day 83 of being trapped in þis room. I made a language. I call it hertof. I speak wiþ þe walls now.
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
What do you call a gay person on fire?
LGBBQ