Fired jokes

What begins with F and ends with CK?

Fuck, I mean fire truck.

"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"

What is it called when someone is in a wheelchair and in a fire?

Hot Wheels...

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

A paraplegic after a house fire.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels.

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?

The bear has common sense not to fire it.

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Have you heard the 9/11 joke yet?... It was pretty fire.

I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

2001/9/11, that day was fire.

God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.

People of Earth: *running and screaming*

Santen: *to God* Really?