Fired jokes
I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
What do you get when you mix a white guy and a fire?
A firecracker.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.
Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?
Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.
Store owner: But still, why?
Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.
Store owner: Oh, I get it now!
What's black and sits on top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking's after a house fire.
If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that.
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
2001/9/11, that day was fire.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire. Now we call him "hot wheels."
What begins with F and ends with CK?
Fuck, I mean fire truck.
Walk The Dinosaur-By watersharky Productions and Was(Not Was)-
Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom Boom boom acka-lacka boom boom
It was a night like this forty million years ago I lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey skull to go The sun was spitting fire, the sky was blue as ice I felt a little tired, so I watched Miami Vice And walked the dinosaur, I walked the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur
I met you in a cave, you were painting buffalo I said I'd be your slave, follow wherever you go That night we split a rattlesnake and danced beneath the stars You fell asleep, I stayed awake and watched the passing cars And walked the dinosaur, I walked the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur
One night I dreamed of New York You and I roasting blue pork In the Statue of Liberty's torch Elvis landed in a rocket ship Healed a couple of leapers and disappeared But where was his beard?
A shadow from the sky much too big to be a bird A screaming crashing noise louder than I've ever heard It looked like two big silver trees that somehow learned to soar Suddenly a summer breeze and a mighty lion's roar I killed the dinosaur, I killed the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur
Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom Boom boom acka-lacka boom boom
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!
I usually don't make 9/11 jokes, but they just are fire.
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.